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(Jul 12, 2019 04:53 AM)Leigha Wrote: [ -> ]True, but words can sometimes wound. I'm getting stronger, myself and have learned that being challenged doesn't mean ''bullied.'' I used to think so.

#progress

Were you ever bullied as a kid, Syne? I think we all have been ''teased,'' as you say.

Yep, physically attacked and teased. Par for the course for most boys when I was a kid. That's how I know the difference. Nowadays the lack of actual bullying leads kids to react as if simple teasing is horrendous, with the same sort of emotional reaction. God forbid these kids, and RU, ever truly get bullied. They'd think they were going to die.

.....

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(Jul 13, 2019 03:26 AM)Syne Wrote: [ -> ]

(Jul 12, 2019 04:53 AM)Leigha Wrote: [ -> ]True, but words can sometimes wound. I'm getting stronger, myself and have learned that being challenged doesn't mean ''bullied.'' I used to think so.

#progress

Were you ever bullied as a kid, Syne? I think we all have been ''teased,'' as you say.

Yep, physically attacked and teased. Par for the course for most boys when I was a kid. That's how I know the difference. Nowadays the lack of actual bullying leads kids to react as if simple teasing is horrendous, with the same sort of emotional reaction. God forbid these kids, and RU, ever truly get bullied. They'd think they were going to die.  

Quote:God forbid these kids, and RU, ever truly get bullied. They'd think they were going to die.

passive aggressive abuse
100% troll

Relentless and unwelcome teasing is harassment, and harassment IS bullying. Like this even needs to be said.

"When Does Teasing Become Bullying?

While teasing can be used to strengthen a relationship, it can also be used to alienate, criticize, and embarrass another person, which may weaken the relationship. The affectionate interaction of teasing can turn hostile when the person being teased is distressed by the teasing. Teasing about physical appearance is almost always hostile and hurtful. This is not surprising since appearance has so much influence on social acceptance and is out of the individual’s control.

Teasing becomes bullying when:

The content of the teasing turns from affectionate to hostile.
There is a power imbalance: the person teasing has more power among peers compared to the person being teased.
The teasing occurs repeatedly.
The child who is teasing means to upset or hurt the child being teased.
The child being teased is upset or hurt by the interaction. Keep in mind that some children, boys especially, may not show that their feelings are hurt. If you are not sure whether the teasing is hurtful, pull the child being teased aside to ask them how they feel about it."---- https://www.prevnet.ca/bullying/educator...d-bullying

(Jul 13, 2019 07:42 AM)RainbowUnicorn Wrote: [ -> ]passive aggressive abuse
100% troll

That term is subjective and usually used as an ad hominem, which has the tendency to shut down controversial topics. There’s enough history here to indicate that he’s not trying to simply provoke an emotional response.

(Jul 12, 2019 02:43 AM)Syne Wrote: [ -> ]You can correct any of my assumptions at any time, and god knows I've asked enough.

It usually starts off with someone [↑] assuming the worst in people. These little assumptions masquerading as facts add up. They’re followed by a loaded question and the lack of defense is perceived as a weakness. This makes the offender feel empowered, but they comes across as someone that’s close minded, and only wants to prove that their assumptions are correct.

Making assumptions allows one to be in control. Even if they’re unfounded assumptions and not based on reality, they're the ones writing the story. They’re in charge of the narrative and this allows them to avoid the risk of being vulnerable. It creates a safe space—a distance between them and others. 

However, we're all vulnerable and vulnerability is nothing to be ashamed of. It’s the key to intimacy and loving relationships.

Syne Wrote:Go find your safe space, princess.

That's [↑] funny!  

(Jul 13, 2019 03:26 AM)Syne Wrote: [ -> ]

(Jul 12, 2019 04:53 AM)Leigha Wrote: [ -> ]True, but words can sometimes wound. I'm getting stronger, myself and have learned that being challenged doesn't mean ''bullied.'' I used to think so.

#progress

Were you ever bullied as a kid, Syne? I think we all have been ''teased,'' as you say.

Yep, physically attacked and teased. Par for the course for most boys when I was a kid. That's how I know the difference. Nowadays the lack of actual bullying leads kids to react as if simple teasing is horrendous, with the same sort of emotional reaction. God forbid these kids, and RU, ever truly get bullied. They'd think they were going to die.  

Just wondering if you felt that those experiences (looking back now) shaped you? If you were never bullied as a kid, do you think it would have been better or worse for your personal growth? I think life's greatest growth experiences can happen in the midst of struggles, but at the time, we don't see it that way. As a kid, we simply can't process those things like we can as adults, now. Thing is bullies are typically insecure and they bully others because they themselves feel inferior, so somewhere along the way, their growth became stifled. 

No one ''needs'' to be bullied in order to become better people, or grow...but, I'm kind of with Nietzsche in that suffering can be a learning experience. 

(Jul 13, 2019 04:17 PM)Magical Realist Wrote: [ -> ]Relentless and unwelcome teasing is harassment, and harassment IS bullying. Like this even needs to be said.

"When Does Teasing Become Bullying?

While teasing can be used to strengthen a relationship, it can also be used to alienate, criticize, and embarrass another person, which may weaken the relationship. The affectionate interaction of teasing can turn hostile when the person being teased is distressed by the teasing. Teasing about physical appearance is almost always hostile and hurtful. This is not surprising since appearance has so much influence on social acceptance and is out of the individual’s control.

Teasing becomes bullying when:

The content of the teasing turns from affectionate to hostile.
There is a power imbalance: the person teasing has more power among peers compared to the person being teased.
The teasing occurs repeatedly.
The child who is teasing means to upset or hurt the child being teased.
The child being teased is upset or hurt by the interaction. Keep in mind that some children, boys especially, may not show that their feelings are hurt. If you are not sure whether the teasing is hurtful, pull the child being teased aside to ask them how they feel about it."---- https://www.prevnet.ca/bullying/educator...d-bullying

Agree, MR. I think that incessant ''teasing'' can be taken too far, and who is getting anything out of it really besides the bully? The funny thing though is, bullies really aren't getting anything out of it, in the end. The joke ends up being on them...in the end. 

(Jul 13, 2019 05:30 PM)Secular Sanity Wrote: [ -> ]

(Jul 13, 2019 07:42 AM)RainbowUnicorn Wrote: [ -> ]passive aggressive abuse
100% troll

That term is subjective and usually used as an ad hominem, which has the tendency to shut down controversial topics. There’s enough history here to indicate that he’s not trying to simply provoke an emotional response.

(Jul 12, 2019 02:43 AM)Syne Wrote: [ -> ]You can correct any of my assumptions at any time, and god knows I've asked enough.

It usually starts off with someone [↑] assuming the worst in people. These little assumptions masquerading as facts add up. They’re followed by a loaded question and the lack of defense is perceived as a weakness. This makes the offender feel empowered, but they comes across as someone that’s close minded, and only wants to prove that their assumptions are correct.

Making assumptions allows one to be in control. Even if they’re unfounded assumptions and not based on reality, they're the ones writing the story. They’re in charge of the narrative and this allows them to avoid the risk of being vulnerable. It creates a safe space—a distance between them and others. 

However, we're all vulnerable and vulnerability is nothing to be ashamed of. It’s the key to intimacy and loving relationships.

Syne Wrote:Go find your safe space, princess.

That's [↑] funny!  

It's interesting being on this forum and SF, and maybe this is the case with human nature in general, that some people resort to bullying tactics in discussions...while others never do. The funny thing is that of the bullying tactics I've seen on forums, the bullies really present articulate arguments without all of that. I don't get why they resort to bullying simply because people disagree.

(Jul 13, 2019 04:17 PM)Magical Realist Wrote: [ -> ]Relentless and unwelcome teasing is harassment, and harassment IS bullying. Like this even needs to be said.

"When Does Teasing Become Bullying?

I agree with what you've said but I just wanted to tell you a true story with a happy ending.

There was this kid in high school that everyone called Wolfie. He looked like a werewolf. He was always disheveled. He had a severe learning disability and his family was extremely poor. He would walk around picking up change. People started throwing change at him and laughing when he would pick it up. It became the norm. He didn’t seem to mind, though, and he always smiled and said thank you.

At graduation, his counselor along with his sister stopped him when his name was called. They said that they wanted to thank everyone for contributing. They held up a check that was over a thousand dollars. He had saved every penny. They asked him how he planned on spending it. He just shrugged his shoulders. Everyone gave him a standing ovation. Some had tears in their eyes. He smiled, waved, and blew kisses.

We still talk about it and we all have fond memories of him.

(Jul 13, 2019 04:17 PM)Magical Realist Wrote: [ -> ]Relentless and unwelcome teasing is harassment, and harassment IS bullying. Like this even needs to be said.

"When Does Teasing Become Bullying?

While teasing can be used to strengthen a relationship, it can also be used to alienate, criticize, and embarrass another person, which may weaken the relationship. The affectionate interaction of teasing can turn hostile when the person being teased is distressed by the teasing. Teasing about physical appearance is almost always hostile and hurtful. This is not surprising since appearance has so much influence on social acceptance and is out of the individual’s control.

Teasing becomes bullying when:

The content of the teasing turns from affectionate to hostile.
There is a power imbalance: the person teasing has more power among peers compared to the person being teased.
The teasing occurs repeatedly.
The child who is teasing means to upset or hurt the child being teased.
The child being teased is upset or hurt by the interaction. Keep in mind that some children, boys especially, may not show that their feelings are hurt. If you are not sure whether the teasing is hurtful, pull the child being teased aside to ask them how they feel about it."---- https://www.prevnet.ca/bullying/educator...d-bullying

See, MR doesn't know the difference either.

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(Jul 13, 2019 05:30 PM)Secular Sanity Wrote: [ -> ]

(Jul 12, 2019 02:43 AM)Syne Wrote: [ -> ]You can correct any of my assumptions at any time, and god knows I've asked enough.

It usually starts off with someone [↑] assuming the worst in people. These little assumptions masquerading as facts add up. They’re followed by a loaded question and the lack of defense is perceived as a weakness. This makes the offender feel empowered, but they comes across as someone that’s close minded, and only wants to prove that their assumptions are correct.

Insecure people just skip over the fact that the best is often initially assumed and only goes downhill as it repeatedly goes unverified. Only foolish or oblivious people remain optimistic in the face of all contrary evidence.

Quote:Making assumptions allows one to be in control. Even if they’re unfounded assumptions and not based on reality, they're the ones writing the story. They’re in charge of the narrative and this allows them to avoid the risk of being vulnerable. It creates a safe space—a distance between them and others. 

However, we're all vulnerable and vulnerability is nothing to be ashamed of. It’s the key to intimacy and loving relationships.

Making assumptions is the only option when people are insecure and cagey about how they arrive at or justify their opinions or claims.

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(Jul 13, 2019 06:13 PM)Leigha Wrote: [ -> ]

(Jul 13, 2019 03:26 AM)Syne Wrote: [ -> ]Yep, physically attacked and teased. Par for the course for most boys when I was a kid. That's how I know the difference. Nowadays the lack of actual bullying leads kids to react as if simple teasing is horrendous, with the same sort of emotional reaction. God forbid these kids, and RU, ever truly get bullied. They'd think they were going to die.  

Just wondering if you felt that those experiences (looking back now) shaped you? If you were never bullied as a kid, do you think it would have been better or worse for your personal growth? I think life's greatest growth experiences can happen in the midst of struggles, but at the time, we don't see it that way. As a kid, we simply can't process those things like we can as adults, now. Thing is bullies are typically insecure and they bully others because they themselves feel inferior, so somewhere along the way, their growth became stifled. 

No one ''needs'' to be bullied in order to become better people, or grow...but, I'm kind of with Nietzsche in that suffering can be a learning experience. 

Every experience shapes you, for good or bad. Violence is not something I'd wish on anyone. And many people learn the wrong lessons from having experienced it, like the victim who then becomes the abuser. But I'd always hope that people, at least as adults, can come to understand the underlying motives behind abuse...like you said, insecurity.

(Jul 13, 2019 07:35 PM)Syne Wrote: [ -> ]Every experience shapes you, for good or bad. Violence is not something I'd wish on anyone. And many people learn the wrong lessons from having experienced it, like the victim who then becomes the abuser. But I'd always hope that people, at least as adults, can come to understand the underlying motives behind abuse...like you said, insecurity.

Yes, that's my hope, too. 

Then there are adults who ''bully,'' in the workplace, relationships, etc. Maybe they never learned anything in their entire life. 

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In other news, I'm going to a health food cafe shortly, I just adore this place. Everything is made fresh to order...kale salad, organic baked chicken, seared salmon, quinoa, other lean proteins, mmmm....

Then, a friend of mine asked to me to check out an art gallery later - there's an opening with wine, etc.. I love those environments, even though I'm typically the only non-liberal present at those things. (I'm an Independent)

(Jul 13, 2019 07:50 PM)Leigha Wrote: [ -> ]

(Jul 13, 2019 07:35 PM)Syne Wrote: [ -> ]Every experience shapes you, for good or bad. Violence is not something I'd wish on anyone. And many people learn the wrong lessons from having experienced it, like the victim who then becomes the abuser. But I'd always hope that people, at least as adults, can come to understand the underlying motives behind abuse...like you said, insecurity.

Yes, that's my hope, too. 

Then there are adults who ''bully,'' in the workplace, relationships, etc. Maybe they never learned anything in their entire life. 

I assume the scare quotes is because you really mean dominate instead of bully, as both violence and intimidation are legally actionable in the workplace. Relationships is another matter, as people can be so needy that they stay in very unhealthy circumstances.