Tinkering with creative writing thread: poetry, lyrics, prose, rap, etc (hobbies)

#1
C C Offline
If you feel you have a genuinely finished product, post it elsewhere.

Since "tinkering" here refers to stuff that you have a tendency to incrementally keep revising or improving, or the potential exists for that with respect to _X_. This topic is for storing the "scribbled progress", in a sense.  

Due to whatever cognitive cause, sometimes we may not apprehend what touches or corrections an item additionally needs until it is publicly posted.

Or you're simply unsatisfied with it for obscure reasons slash feelings that only you care about. (I.e., you're tormented by eccentric standards.)

That's what this thread is for. It doesn't matter how deformed _X_ begins as, just keep whittling at it till something emerges. That perchance someday you may finally be content with.

Items do not have to adhere to recognized structures, patterns or formal categories, genres, schemes, techniques, methods, approaches. They can be extremely experimental or like the output [writing wise] of the arts in a folk or primitivism context (untutored). Examples of the latter in painting and music: Grandma Moses ... American primitive guitar.
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#2
C C Offline
The third phase in this one's evolution, so pretty confident it will happen again before circa this time next year.[1] Not going to inflict the ordeal of its open-ended development on the original location yet again. ([1] This incarnation's placement in an animated GIF hardly being an effective deterrent for such unbridled, pseudo-OCD madness.)
- - - - - - - -

Decamp Blues (holiday noir)

Winter sinks down, the snow builds up.
Don't drink the slumber in old Odin's cup.
Stay awake, catch a midnight muse.   
Slap the poor thing with your holiday blues.

A lonesome sight, rowdy with clouds.
The season is arching its heathen brows.
Pay mobsters, clean the Norse lord's sleigh, 
And you might live to count to New Year's Day. 

Streets aglitter, houses adorned. 
Carolers sing like a snitch to be scorned.
Roll your doubts, chance the game of fools.
Point is to vanish playing Midgard rules.

Sermon runs long, much to atone. 
Huginn and Muninn have already flown.
Rappel cliffs, make your getaway,
And you might live to count to New Year's Day.

When Skadi stalks, her prey is doomed.
The other godlings seem quaintly costumed.
Dodge arrows, and Ullr's bribed Feds.   
Everybody here is missing their meds.

An icy waste, it stretches far.
Reaching the end erases who you are.
Take soiled gold, go where palm fronds sway,
And you might live to count to New Year's Day.
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#3
C C Offline
Had to revise/add more to this one because the original of 2019 [make that August 2020] is too short for a standalone GIF. Good possibility of being tweaked again before January.
- - - - - - -

Shipwrecked

Weeks of creaking timbers.
A cargo of memory.
Time to quench the embers 
On a cruise of jealousy.

Breaking ribs cracked the night,
It lurked muted like a snake.
Damning mist come dawn's light,
I'm still wrecked upon this ache.

Treading through a thicket. 
Collecting afternoon rain.
Strange fruit but I'll pick it. 
Poison only twists the chain. 

Clinging without reasons,
Ragged sails flutter and break.
Ebbing through the seasons,
I'm still wrecked upon this ache.

Stranded on a pale sea,
Farther than the Queen's domain. 
Bleared ghosts can't rescue me,
In our ruins I'll remain.

Hollowed by grating winds,
Wobbling in Poseidon's quake.
A toll that never ends,
I'm still wrecked upon this ache.
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#4
C C Offline
Version 3.0... Change needed to make it less specific, swing to more general application. Also time to give up forcing "bleared" to be an adjective, and legit "bleary" would be one syllable over the seven syllable limit for that line (6/7 alternating). Don't prefer "blurred" for some reason, but it has to suffice.
- - - - - - -

Shipwrecked

Weeks of creaking timbers, 
A voyage laden with rue.
The logbook remembers
Why emptiness haunts the crew.

Breaking ribs cracked the night,
It lurked muted like a snake.
Damning haze come dawn's light,
I'm still wrecked upon this ache.

Treading through a thicket, 
Collecting afternoon rain.
Strange fruit but I'll pick it, 
The poison might dull the pain. 

Clinging without reasons,
Ragged sails flutter and break.
Ebbing through the seasons,
I'm still wrecked upon this ache.

Stranded on a pale sea,
Farther than the Queen's domain. 
Blurred ghosts can't rescue me,
In our ruins I'll remain.

Hollowed by grating winds,
Wobbling in Poseidon's quake.
A toll that never ends,
I'm still wrecked upon this ache.
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#5
Magical Realist Offline
(Dec 11, 2022 05:23 PM)C C Wrote: Version 3.0... Change needed to make it less specific, swing to more general application. Also time to give up forcing "bleared" to be an adjective, and legit "bleary" would be one syllable over the seven syllable limit for that line (6/7 alternating). Don't prefer "blurred" for some reason, but it has to suffice.
- - - - - - -

Shipwrecked

Weeks of creaking timbers, 
A voyage laden with rue.
The logbook remembers
Why emptiness haunts the crew.

Breaking ribs cracked the night,
It lurked muted like a snake.
Damning haze come dawn's light,
I'm still wrecked upon this ache.

Treading through a thicket, 
Collecting afternoon rain.
Strange fruit but I'll pick it, 
The poison might dull the pain. 

Clinging without reasons,
Ragged sails flutter and break.
Ebbing through the seasons,
I'm still wrecked upon this ache.

Stranded on a pale sea,
Farther than the Queen's domain. 
Blurred ghosts can't rescue me,
In our ruins I'll remain.

Hollowed by grating winds,
Wobbling in Poseidon's quake.
A toll that never ends,
I'm still wrecked upon this ache.

Love that poem. The images are so vivid and viscerally felt.
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#6
C C Offline
(Dec 12, 2022 07:03 PM)Magical Realist Wrote: Love that poem. The images are so vivid and viscerally felt.

Thanks. Maybe dusting it off and tinkering with it enough to make it usable for a GIF (by itself) wasn't a waste after all.

As it currently looks, the version of the above that will be in January's avatar will have "The logbook remembers" replaced by "Frayed logbook remembers". And "Farther than the Queen's domain" will be replaced by "Farther than a queen's domain". Two slight touch-ups which don't warrant reposting the clutter of the whole thing again. Plus, it's still tentative.
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#7
C C Offline
Needless to say, this will surely acquire tweaks, adjustments, revisions before the month's up.
- - - - - -

The Do-gooder Song

I trash capitalism
Every chance that I get.
Adore the irrationalism
Of making money from its threat.

We use Uncle Karl's obsession:
The battle against oppression.
When a slick racket's found,
Don't ever shut it down!

I'm a do-gooder,
Enhancing my career.
I'm a shrewd looter,
Opportunist signaling here!

When fairness needs a fist,
Just shout collectivist.
When equity's at its darkest
Find that hero who's a Marxist.

Nah, you want a rich prog spender,
A resourceful left pretender.
Got plenty for a feast?
Invite my hungry priest!

I'm a do-gooder,
Enhancing my career.
I'm a shrewd looter,
Opportunist signaling here!

You crave special treatment?
Let's posture and inveigh.
Adult daycare is a decent
Form of group mind underlay.

Despite my color privilege,
I'll cross the social justice bridge.
We decide what's nice, bad,
Guilty as my white dad!

I'm a do-gooder,
Enhancing my career.
I'm a shrewd looter,
Opportunist signaling here!

We're like philosopher kings,
Plucking at their heartstrings.
Give us what moral power brings
So we can work their puppet strings!

I'm the intellectual class,
That pretentious celebrity,
Or politician ass.
Better society!

[refrain change, closing]

Any land of cream and sugar
Attracts a do-do-gooder.
If the crisis grows acuter
Better call a do-gooder!
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#8
Zinjanthropos Offline
Listened to an early version of Mr Tambourine Man by Bob Dylan awhile back and wondered if I could write something that perhaps he could turn into a song in his own style. I have a tune in my head I’ve never forgotten but no musical skills although I can imagine a harmonica solo in there…lol I think these lyrics might work but I think it requires some revision. It has a bit of anti-war flavour to it. Whenever I look at it I think I could have chosen a different way of saying it. Maybe a few more of the word ‘and’ in there to make it flow better…idk. Dylan’s style is old now and I’m thinking this has an anachronistic feel to it and would never do today.

Quote: Somewhere Someone

Somewhere someone deceives
Somewhere someone believes
Somewhere someone grieves
And somewhere someone leaves

Somewhere someone lies
Somewhere someone denies
Somewhere someone dies
And somewhere someone cries

And somewhere is all you can see
And someone is all you can be

Somewhere someone commands
Somewhere someone demands
Somewhere someone lands
And somewhere someone stands

Somewhere someone knows
Somewhere someone chose
Somewhere someone owes
And somewhere someone goes

And somewhere is all you can see
And someone is all you can be

Somewhere someone prays
Somewhere someone obeys
Somewhere someone stays
And somewhere someone pays

Somewhere someone wins
Somewhere someone sins
Somewhere someone begins
And somewhere someone grins

And somewhere is all you can see
And someone is all you can be

Somewhere, someone
Somewhere, someone

And somewhere is all you can see
And someone is all you can be
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#9
C C Offline
^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^
Good theme exploration, Zin. Vaguely makes me think of Pete Seeger's "Turn! Turn! Turn!" (Ecclesiastes adaptation), which the Byrds' cover turned into a hit. (I.e., I keep trying to insert that Rickenbacker 12-string guitar sound of the latter into the background.)




Since I'm weeks past the time limit for adding something new to the intro of this thread (ironic for a topic devoted to stuff that will be potentially or relentlessly modified in the future), I'm going to add the link to its companion thread for posting stable, non-tentative works.

Writing Hobbies (your prose, poetry, song lyrics, etc)
https://www.scivillage.com/thread-13451-...l#pid55604
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#10
Zinjanthropos Offline
Thanks. I think instead of copying your previous post to start a revision post that one should just edit their original and hit save changes. Consider it reducing carbon footprint…lol
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