Tinkering with creative writing thread: poetry, lyrics, prose, rap, etc (hobbies)

[C C]

INTRO REPEAT FOR THE TOP OF A NEW PAGE

If you feel you have a genuinely finished product, post it in the companion of this thread: Writing Hobbies (your prose, poetry, song lyrics, etc). Or in this poetry topic if it's applicable.

Since "tinkering" here refers to stuff that you have a tendency to incrementally keep revising or improving, or the potential exists for that with respect to _X_. This topic is for storing the "scribbled progress", in a sense.  

Due to whatever cognitive cause, sometimes we may not apprehend what touches or corrections an item additionally needs until it is publicly posted.

Or you're simply unsatisfied with it for obscure reasons slash feelings that only you care about. (I.e., you're tormented by eccentric standards.)

That's what this thread is for. It doesn't matter how deformed _X_ begins as, just keep whittling at it till something emerges. That perchance someday you may finally be content with.

Items do not have to adhere to classic structures, patterns or formal categories, genres, schemes, techniques, methods, approaches. They can be extremely experimental or like the output [writing wise] of the arts in a folk or primitivism context (untutored). Examples of the latter in painting and music: Grandma Moses ... American primitive guitar.

[C C]

Thanks. I think instead of copying your previous post to start a revision post that one should just edit their original and hit save changes. Consider it reducing carbon footprint…lol

Yah, a nice fantasy about forums to dream about: To be able to edit a post after two days, a week, a month or months, a year or years. But tough luck for climate change that it's not reality, and here I am yanking its chain again! [smiley with devil horns]

[C C]

First revision, in progress. EDIT: Now completed.
- - - - - - -

The Do-gooder Song

I trash capitalism
Every chance that I get.
Adore the irrationalism
Of making money from its threat.

Took up Uncle Karl's profession,
Where saints fight against oppression. 
When a slick racket's found,
Don't ever shut it down!

I'm a do-gooder,
Enhancing my career.
I'm a shrewd looter,
Opportunist signaling here!

Just raise the crimson fist,
If toil's at its darkest.
If fairness is dismissed,
Find that hero who's a Marxist.

Nah, you want a rich prog spender,
A resourceful left pretender.
Got plenty for a feast?
Invite my hungry priest!

I'm a do-gooder,
Refining my charade.
I'm a smooth looter,
Soapy crusader on parade!

Need a brighter spotlight?
Let's posture and inveigh.
Social justice can be brought right
To the collectivist café.

Despite my color privilege,
They can't tar this savior image.
We decide what's nice, bad,
Guilty as my white dad!

I'm a do-gooder,
Enhancing my career.
I'm a shrewd looter,
Opportunist signaling here!

Like philosopher kings
Tugging where your heart rings,
Give us what moral power brings
So we can pull your puppet strings!

I'm the intellectual class,
That pretentious celebrity,
Or politician ass.
Better society!

[refrain change, closing]

Any land of cream and sugar
Attracts our pied recruiter.
If a crisis grows acuter
Better call the do-gooder!

Better call the do-gooder!

[C C]

2nd revision of the "The Do-gooder Song". Only two minor modifications made to the one above.

"Need a brighter spotlight?" was changed to "Need a public spotlight?".

And "collectivist café" was capitalized to "Collectivist Café".

Barring any last days revelations before being converted to an animated GIF avatar for February or another month, this should be the final version of the "do-gooder" lyric (for this year, anyway): http://www.sciforums.com/threads/a-poem-...st-3708586

[C C]

Meh. What I had here as a skeletal framework for a new one is going to be modified so radically that I might as well cancel it while an edit-delete of the content is still possible.

[Zinjanthropos]

I admire those artists who can put together an entire musical stage production. The Cleaner Fish thread piqued my interest so much so that I thought someone might be able to piece together a complete Broadway Show about them. A musical of course. So I jotted down a few raw beginning lines of an opening ditty. Not sure if I’ll ever finish but who knows how much fun I can have . The reflection experiment made me think of Tommy…. Is ‘Go to the Mirror, Fish’ already taken?

Cleaner Fish

The cleaner fish, the cleaner fish
A fish that probably tastes deelish
If ever there was a fish you’d wish
To never become a dinner dish
The cleaner fish would be your wish

With arrival of the giant
The cleaner fish assures the client
That he’s really quite reliant
Strictly business and defiant
At risk of being non compliant

The cleaner fish with gentle bite
Removes annoying parasite
Some no bigger than a mite
While satisfying appetite
He fills his client with delight

[confused2]

^^ more!

[Zinjanthropos]

By C2 popular demand I quickly added to it.

  Cleaner Fish

The cleaner fish, the cleaner fish
A fish that probably tastes deelish
If ever there was a fish you’d wish
To never become a dinner dish
The cleaner fish would be your wish

With arrival of the giant
The cleaner fish assures the client
That he’s really quite reliant
Strictly business and defiant
At risk of being non compliant

The cleaner fish with gentle bite
Removes annoying parasite
Some no bigger than a mite
While satisfying appetite
He fills his client with delight

A shark pulls in jaw open wide
The cleaner fish swims inside
There’s certain rules it must abide
Take no mucus, nip no hide
Too many ancestors have tried

So many died along the way
And evolution won the day
Word of mouth has had its say
The message spread across the bay
The cleaner fish is here to stay

Amongst rows of sharpened knives
Cleaner fish risk their lives
When predatory fish arrives
After many meals and dives
The cleaner fish somehow survives

For cleaner fish aim to please
Lowering chances for disease
By eating parasites they seize
The client pays no other fees
For services it never sees.

[C C]

Pixar has a cleaner shrimp character named Jacques in its "Finding Nemo" and "Finding Dory" aquatic franchise. But I bet he doesn't have his own song. Maybe they could replace him, since he was supposedly diminished to a minor role in the last film, anyway.

[Zinjanthropos]

Pixar has a cleaner shrimp character named Jacques in its "Finding Nemo" and "Finding Dory" aquatic franchise. But I bet he doesn't have his own song. Maybe they could replace him, since he was supposedly diminished to a minor role in the last film, anyway.

Thanks CC. Cleaner shrimp are pretty amazing also. Never heard of Jacques however.

Right now I’m just throwing lines together in a hurry. I think I’m beating the risk reward thing to death and need to learn more about other aspects of cleaner fish life on the reef. Courtship, mating, competition, stuff like that. Also if I were a neighbour fish and the cleaner is helping the pred who wants to eat me, how would I like it? Then there’s how did the cleaner fish evolve, are all cleaners created equal, what eats cleaner fish, etc. I always wondered if some creature has evolved to lure cleaner fish into their mouths or if a hungry client fish breaks from protocol. I can also be shamelessly more anthropomorphic. The mirror experiment too.

This is the thread to do it in. So I just might want to see how far it can go. Usually do stuff like this on my Notes app but my wife discovered it one day and she’s let everyone know I dabble in poetry. Now I occasionally am asked to read some at get togethers which I’m not really comfortable with. She knows nothing of my forum persona.