No ‘gay gene’ & no ‘straight gene’. Sexuality is just complex, study confirms

#31
Quote:Are you claiming that she "didn't know" if she "ever considered homosexuality to be" bad?

She could only not know if she's ever considered it an anomaly if she felt calling it an anomaly was bad. Again the logic is airtight.
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#32
lol Didn't mean to cause a stir with my choice to quote. Blush

Sometimes, when I quote a word, it's because someone else in the conversation/thread used the word, and I'm highlighting it for effect. Maybe italics would be better used for such instances.

Either way, I wonder though, why as a culture we question homosexuality, as if it had a starting point. Heterosexuals typically don't ask other heterosexuals...''hey, have you always been a heterosexual? When did you know?'' But, I've heard this asked of gay celebs for example, in interviews...''so, how long have you been gay? How long have you known? When did you first know?'' It reminds me of how we sometimes ask atheists...''have you always been an atheist, were you ever religious?''

Do you guys notice that? Or is it just me.  Dodgy
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#33
I think that's because heterosexuality is so the norm, so enforced by culture and religion to be the only kind of love, that being gay often dawns on one only as a disruption of that norm. I always assumed I was straight until I was 19 and had my first gay experience. It's the kind of thing that stays largely in your subconscious until one day it just makes itself known against the assumption of being like everyone else. That's why people ask how long have you known. It's a moment of self-awareness and of waking up out of a lifelong sleep of ingrained social values and mores.
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#34
(Sep 1, 2019 04:08 AM)Magical Realist Wrote: I think that's because heterosexuality is so the norm, so enforced by culture and religion to be the only kind of love, that being gay often dawns on one as a disruption of that context. I always assumed I was straight until I was 19 and had my first gay experience. It's the kind of thing that stays largely in your subconscious until one day it just makes itself known against the context of being like everyone else. That's why people ask how long have you known.

Interesting, MR. So, did you let those in your life know after that experience that you were gay? I read a book a few years back about a married guy who ended up befriending a guy who was much younger than him, and they became friends. His wife didn't question the friendship, even though there was a wide age difference. (The married guy was like 40 and the younger guy was 18/20, something like that) The two developed this secret love affair, and eventually the guy's wife found out. She destroyed his life during the divorce, this story is based on true events. The guy begged for his wife to take him back, claiming it was just a mistake, but it wasn't a ''mistake.'' He was a gay man pretending to be heterosexual. (As the story unfolded, those details became apparent)  I have a few gay friends, and they have said that it was incredibly hard to ''come out'' to their family. It's just a sad reality for many.
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#35
Quote:So, did you let those in your life know after that experience that you were gay?

No..that was years later. And I was totally accepted for who I was. Don't know why I waited so long. They must've suspected something since I never had girlfriends.
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#36
(Sep 1, 2019 03:46 AM)Magical Realist Wrote:
Quote:Are you claiming that she "didn't know" if she "ever considered homosexuality to be" bad?

She could only not know if she's ever considered it an anomaly if she felt calling it an anomaly was bad. Again the logic is airtight.

Really? You call that "logic", huh?
So you "could only not know if" you "ever considered" a black person the N-word if you "felt calling" a black person the N-word "was bad"?
I'll have to take your word for that. But if I were you, I wouldn't go around advertising that you consider such horridly flawed reasoning "airtight".


And she seems to have burst your little "airtight" bubble:
(Sep 1, 2019 03:48 AM)Leigha Wrote: lol Didn't mean to cause a stir with my choice to quote. Blush

Sometimes, when I quote a word, it's because someone else in the conversation/thread used the word, and I'm highlighting it for effect. Maybe italics would be better used for such instances.

Either way, I wonder though, why as a culture we question homosexuality, as if it had a starting point. Heterosexuals typically don't ask other heterosexuals...''hey, have you always been a heterosexual? When did you know?'' But, I've heard this asked of gay celebs for example, in interviews...''so, how long have you been gay? How long have you known? When did you first know?'' It reminds me of how we sometimes ask atheists...''have you always been an atheist, were you ever religious?''

Do you guys notice that? Or is it just me.  Dodgy

Because heterosexuality is overwhelmingly the norm. I guess you could ask a straight guy when he realized he liked girls, but since that typically happens around the same time in every straight guy's psychosexual development, it's not really interesting and doesn't really differentiate him from any other. Whereas LGBT seem to have a very large variety of answers to such questions. I mean, how old was Bruce Jenner when he "realized" he was a "woman"? Lots of variety; very anomalous.

We don't usually ask people how they were conceived. We just assume the most typical way, unless given reason to think otherwise. But if someone tells you they were born from a surrogate or donor egg/sperm, you might have some follow up questions. So it is with anything out of the norm.

(Sep 1, 2019 04:22 AM)Leigha Wrote: I have a few gay friends...
Considering we usually have friends we share some similarities with, what do you think you have in common with them?
At least one woman I've known, who had at least one close gay friend, admitted that they likely shared sexual abuse. That's a pretty deep bond...sharing a trauma.
But others seem to just like having friends they don't feel threatened by...don't have to compete with. That one seems pretty shallow.
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#37
(Sep 1, 2019 04:48 AM)Syne Wrote:
(Sep 1, 2019 03:46 AM)Magical Realist Wrote:
Quote:Are you claiming that she "didn't know" if she "ever considered homosexuality to be" bad?

She could only not know if she's ever considered it an anomaly if she felt calling it an anomaly was bad. Again the logic is airtight.

Really? You call that "logic", huh?
So you "could only not know if" you "ever considered" a black person the N-word if you "felt calling" a black person the N-word "was bad"?
I'll have to take your word for that. But if I were you, I wouldn't go around advertising that you consider such horridly flawed reasoning "airtight".


And she seems to have burst your little "airtight" bubble:
(Sep 1, 2019 03:48 AM)Leigha Wrote: lol Didn't mean to cause a stir with my choice to quote. Blush

Sometimes, when I quote a word, it's because someone else in the conversation/thread used the word, and I'm highlighting it for effect. Maybe italics would be better used for such instances.

Either way, I wonder though, why as a culture we question homosexuality, as if it had a starting point. Heterosexuals typically don't ask other heterosexuals...''hey, have you always been a heterosexual? When did you know?'' But, I've heard this asked of gay celebs for example, in interviews...''so, how long have you been gay? How long have you known? When did you first know?'' It reminds me of how we sometimes ask atheists...''have you always been an atheist, were you ever religious?''

Do you guys notice that? Or is it just me.  Dodgy

Because heterosexuality is overwhelmingly the norm. I guess you could ask a straight guy when he realized he liked girls, but since that typically happens around the same time in every straight guy's psychosexual development, it's not really interesting and doesn't really differentiate him from any other. Whereas LGBT seem to have a very large variety of answers to such questions. I mean, how old was Bruce Jenner when he "realized" he was a "woman"? Lots of variety; very anomalous.

We don't usually ask people how they were conceived. We just assume the most typical way, unless given reason to think otherwise. But if someone tells you they were born from a surrogate or donor egg/sperm, you might have some follow up questions. So it is with anything out of the norm.

(Sep 1, 2019 04:22 AM)Leigha Wrote: I have a few gay friends...
Considering we usually have friends we share some similarities with, what do you think you have in common with them?
At least one woman I've known, who had at least one close gay friend, admitted that they likely shared sexual abuse. That's a pretty deep bond...sharing a trauma.
But others seem to just like having friends they don't feel threatened by...don't have to compete with. That one seems pretty shallow.

That would be sad, if one chooses friends like that. lol I've been introduced to them through mutual friends. That's usually how I've expanded my social circles...
but, I'm friends with all types of people...men, women, straight, gay...atheists, believers... sexual orientation doesn't really mean much when you like the person for who they are...as a person.

Regarding your comment above (for some reason, I can't quote it)...that makes sense. For me, I've never really thought much about my sexual orientation. As a straight woman, it's just never been something I've considered or thought about as a choice, and I wonder if that is the same case for gay people, but they were perhaps afraid to share that with others...because, others have assumed they are/were straight. That would make for an interesting discussion - does society just assume ''everyone'' is straight? Hmm.

(Sep 1, 2019 04:36 AM)Magical Realist Wrote:
Quote:So, did you let those in your life know after that experience that you were gay?

No..that was years later. And I was totally accepted for who I was. Don't know why I waited so long. They must've suspected something since I never had girlfriends.
I'm so glad you were accepted. 

Maybe you waited so long because you anticipated that you wouldn't be accepted? I've found that no matter what I'm most fearful of, it's the anticipation of all the ''what if's'' that get me, and when whatever it is actually happens, it was never as bad as I had imagined in my mind.  Blush
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#38
(Sep 1, 2019 07:16 AM)Leigha Wrote:
(Sep 1, 2019 04:48 AM)Syne Wrote: Considering we usually have friends we share some similarities with, what do you think you have in common with them?
At least one woman I've known, who had at least one close gay friend, admitted that they likely shared sexual abuse. That's a pretty deep bond...sharing a trauma.
But others seem to just like having friends they don't feel threatened by...don't have to compete with. That one seems pretty shallow.

That would be sad, if one chooses friends like that. lol I've been introduced to them through mutual friends. That's usually how I've expanded my social circles...
but, I'm friends with all types of people...men, women, straight, gay...atheists, believers... sexual orientation doesn't really mean much when you like the person for who they are...as a person.

Regarding your comment above (for some reason, I can't quote it)...that makes sense. For me, I've never really thought much about my sexual orientation. As a straight woman, it's just never been something I've considered or thought about as a choice, and I wonder if that is the same case for gay people, but they were perhaps afraid to share that with others...because, others have assumed they are/were straight. That would make for an interesting discussion - does society just assume ''everyone'' is straight? Hmm.

That's not how we consciously choose friends. It's only the underlying, often subconscious, "bond" that we feel, that then gets consciously justified. And there is always an underlying bond for anyone we genuinely call friends, rather than just casual acquaintances. If you share no similarities and feel no real bond, it's likely you're only acquaintances, and many people in anyone's social circle often are.

The default assumption is that a person is straight, because the overwhelming majority of people, at least 95.5%, are straight. It would be very strange to just assume anyone not overtly "acting gay" was homosexual, and could be quite insulting to many.
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#39
Yea, I would say that sometimes I call acquaintances, ''friends.'' They might be someone I might get a drink with, or have lunch. But, my true friends have my back (and vice versa), and I'm careful who I give that label to.

Not until this site, have I really considered the percentage of straight vs gay people ...it's not something I consciously think about, to be honest.

But, there are conflicting ideas about it, what do you think of this article?

https://www.smithsonianmag.com/smart-new...k-5012467/
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#40
(Sep 1, 2019 08:35 PM)Leigha Wrote: But, there are conflicting ideas about it, what do you think of this article?

https://www.smithsonianmag.com/smart-new...k-5012467/

Sounds like an outlier survey, as even their direct approach doesn't have similar results to most surveys on the subject.
Why are business and economics schools doing this kind of study anyway? Seems a poor fit for reliable results.
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