Poetry

C C Offline
Version #2 after Sunday's abort and return to the assembly shed. Another throwaway mud-puddle to fill up extra kilobyte space in an abbreviated animated gif from last year. Emily Dickinson is tired of being recruited for that insulting function. Very much doubt that this will be the final that makes it in there, either, but posting it online seems to scare me into more awareness that even kaffeeklatsch debris or American primitive lyrics might need some find tuning. Often can only fit 12 to 13 syllables (and that's if they're short) into a 100x100 pixel box with half-decent font size, so that's why the alternating six-seven. Constricting, to say the least.


Shipwrecked

Wooden ribs cracked the night.
It lurked muted like a snake.
Damning haze come dawn's light,
I'm still wrecked upon this ache.

Clinging without reasons,
Ragged sails flutter and break.
Ebbing through the seasons,
I'm still wrecked upon this ache.

Hollowed by briny winds.
Wobbling in Poseidon's quake.
A grief that never ends.
I'm still wrecked upon this ache.

Stranded down a pale sea,
Farther than your fey mistake.
Bleared ghosts can't rescue me.
I'm still wrecked upon this ache.
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Zinjanthropos Offline
Hey CC, those first two lines may contradict each other unless I’m missing something. Cracking the night could mean noise but maybe it’s the reader’s visual sense you’re appealing to since the next line contains the word muted which might be interpreted as silence(d). The use of the word ‘it’ in the 2nd line is referring to what?...the night or the ribs? Personally I like the word splintered for a visual effect instead of cracked.
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Secular Sanity Offline
(Aug 7, 2020 05:09 PM)C C Wrote: Version #2 after Sunday's abort and return to the assembly shed. Another throwaway mud-puddle to fill up extra kilobyte space in an abbreviated animated gif from last year. Emily Dickinson is tired of being recruited for that insulting function. Very much doubt that this will be the final that makes it in there, either, but posting it online seems to scare me into more awareness that even kaffeeklatsch debris or American primitive lyrics might need some find tuning. Often can only fit 12 to 13 syllables (and that's if they're short) into a 100x100 pixel box with half-decent font size, so that's why the alternating six-seven. Constricting, to say the least.


Shipwrecked

Wooden ribs cracked the night.
It lurked muted like a snake.
Damning haze come dawn's light, 
I'm still wrecked upon this ache.

Clinging without reasons,
Ragged sails flutter and break.
Ebbing through the seasons,   
I'm still wrecked upon this ache.

Hollowed by briny winds. 
Wobbling in Poseidon's quake.
A grief that never ends.
I'm still wrecked upon this ache.

Stranded down a pale sea,
Farther than your fey mistake. 
Bleared ghosts can't rescue me.
I'm still wrecked upon this ache.

No, it's perfect. Don't change a thing.
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C C Offline
(Aug 8, 2020 02:33 PM)Zinjanthropos Wrote: Hey CC, those first two lines may contradict each other unless I’m missing something. Cracking the night could mean noise but maybe it’s the reader’s visual sense you’re appealing to since the next line contains the word muted which might be interpreted as silence(d). The use of the word ‘it’ in the 2nd line is referring to what?...the night or the ribs? Personally I like the word splintered for a visual effect instead of cracked.

"Wooden ribs cracked the night" refers to a ship striking or being caught on a reef. But the incident itself is just metaphor. (EDIT: I meant that the whole thing is a figurative placeholder -- it's not about a shipwreck.)

"It lurked like a muted snake" refers to the reef (hidden or obscured by dark, or as if silently waiting).

"Splintered" crossed my mind among other possibilities but there's only room for a one syllable word there.

(Aug 8, 2020 02:43 PM)Secular Sanity Wrote: No, it's perfect. Don't change a thing.


Agree, SS, from the standpoint that for better or worse it's got to start hitting the image editor this weekend to be turned into 100x100 pixel text images. Circa nine or ten days and counting till Plath ends her annual haunting.
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Zinjanthropos Offline
(Aug 8, 2020 04:46 PM)C C Wrote:
(Aug 8, 2020 02:33 PM)Zinjanthropos Wrote: Hey CC, those first two lines may contradict each other unless I’m missing something. Cracking the night could mean noise but maybe it’s the reader’s visual sense you’re appealing to since the next line contains the word muted which might be interpreted as silence(d). The use of the word ‘it’ in the 2nd line is referring to what?...the night or the ribs? Personally I like the word splintered for a visual effect instead of cracked.

"Wooden ribs cracked the night" refers to a ship striking or being caught on a reef. But the incident itself is just metaphor.

"It lurked like a muted snake" refers to the reef (hidden or obscured by dark, or as if silently waiting).

"Splintered" crossed my mind among other possibilities but there's only room for a one word syllable there.

Got it. The image I had was of Crusoe Character sitting, marooned on a beach, gazing outward towards the ribs/framework of a vessel silhouetted against a backdrop of reflected moonlight and the tides/waves are gently rocking what remains of the boat. 

Meant no harm. I seek safe harbour. Big Grin
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C C Offline
(Aug 8, 2020 05:01 PM)Zinjanthropos Wrote:
(Aug 8, 2020 04:46 PM)C C Wrote:
(Aug 8, 2020 02:33 PM)Zinjanthropos Wrote: Hey CC, those first two lines may contradict each other unless I’m missing something. Cracking the night could mean noise but maybe it’s the reader’s visual sense you’re appealing to since the next line contains the word muted which might be interpreted as silence(d). The use of the word ‘it’ in the 2nd line is referring to what?...the night or the ribs? Personally I like the word splintered for a visual effect instead of cracked.

"Wooden ribs cracked the night" refers to a ship striking or being caught on a reef. But the incident itself is just metaphor. (EDIT: I meant that the whole thing is a figurative placeholder -- it's not about a shipwreck.)

"It lurked like a muted snake" refers to the reef (hidden or obscured by dark, or as if silently waiting).

"Splintered" crossed my mind among other possibilities but there's only room for a one syllable word there.

Got it. The image I had was of Crusoe Character sitting, marooned on a beach, gazing outward towards the ribs/framework of a vessel silhouetted against a backdrop of reflected moonlight and the tides/waves are gently rocking what remains of the boat. 

Meant no harm. I seek safe harbour. Big Grin

Criticism, suggestions, or analysis always welcome, Zin.
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Zinjanthropos Offline
Friend of mine has very old cell phone and the other day he pocket-dialed me 18 times. For some reason a thought crept into my head that crocodile and pocket dial could be used in a rhyming verse. This is a bit goofy but it’s what I came up with.... Heart

Word Search

I was looking for a phrase
That rhymed with crocodile
And has hard as that may be
I thought of pocket dial

Disappointed in my quest
I left home to walk a mile
Me conversing with myself
We usually talk a while


A treasure trove of words
I’d wished to stock a pile
Empty me had but one choice
Delete my socket file.
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C C Offline
Geez... 18 times in one day? That man or his phone deserved to inspire a Zin poem (that's a compliment, not sarcasm Wink). The most I ever had one do back in that era was an automatic 911 once every month or so when it thought I was an old lady who had fallen down and couldn't get back up.

Knew in the course of mere hours that I'd start seeing "crocodile" coincidences everywhere after this. One of many cases: https://www.scivillage.com/thread-9027-p...l#pid37578 ..... "...in the hope the crocodile will devour him last."
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Zinjanthropos Offline
(Sep 3, 2020 09:51 AM)C C Wrote: Geez... 18 times in one day? That man or his phone deserved to inspire a Zin poem (that's a compliment, not sarcasm Wink). The most I ever had one do back in that era was an automatic 911 once every month or so when it thought I was an old lady who had fallen down and couldn't get back up.

My friend is 78 years old. Every time I answered I could hear his car radio playing or him making noises. We had a good laugh after. Told me it took him years to learn that an Android was a term for robot and he’d be damned if he was going to learn it was now a phone.
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