Dating Horror Stories

[Secular Sanity]

What was the worst date that you’ve ever been on?

This one was a total shit show.

Mine?  Not as bad as the one up above, but the guy did show up with a huge booger on his upper lip.  I was really shy, and I didn’t want to have to tell him, but I was afraid that he might try to kiss me.  He was really embarrassed, and try to wipe it off, but it got stuck on his hand. Later, when he brought me home, he leaned on the doorbell, and woke up my father, who then came running out in his underwear.  

[Zinjanthropos]

"You were great, was it good for you too" 

Official dialogue from the Zinman's date's apartment. I know what you're thinking. This internet lothario  boasting of another sexual conquest. Oh no. Fellow student from a philosophy seminar, betcha didn't think that was possible either, nice looking but she was into some kind of Zen thing, not sure what exactly. Anyway her idea of sex was to mentally experience it first, she in one corner and me in another. Get into your favorite relaxation pose, close your eyes and imagine the act. The only thing I try to form an image of is my next golf shot, so I watched her. I must have been pretty good because she was sure enjoying it. I didn't think I could top that by doing the real thing, plus I thought she was crazy, so I made up an excuse and left. I think there must be some unwritten code stating....don't make love with a crazy person. Still I wonder what I missed.

[C C]

Dating Horror Stories

Football game, in the stands. But my being amused by the reactions of those within the perimeter of collateral damage from his vomit kind of undermines my hyping the event as "horrible".  

What was the worst date that you’ve ever been on?

Probably December 7th (definitely not the original day of infamy, though). Was someone's retirement party rather than a very early Christmas celebration. Can't even remember what was spiked or at least later claimed to be the culprit. (Melon balls? Rainbow jello? Homemade gummy bears?) Anyway, plenty of us did seem to be "on".

- - -

[Secular Sanity]

"You were great, was it good for you too" 

Official dialogue from the Zinman's date's apartment. I know what you're thinking. This internet lothario  boasting of another sexual conquest. Oh no. Fellow student from a philosophy seminar, betcha didn't think that was possible either, nice looking but she was into some kind of Zen thing, not sure what exactly. Anyway her idea of sex was to mentally experience it first, she in one corner and me in another. Get into your favorite relaxation pose, close your eyes and imagine the act. The only thing I try to form an image of is my next golf shot, so I watched her. I must have been pretty good because she was sure enjoying it. I didn't think I could top that by doing the real thing, plus I thought she was crazy, so I made up an excuse and left. I think there must be some unwritten code stating....don't make love with a crazy person. Still I wonder what I missed.

Too funny!

Tantric sex? How awkward!

I had never even heard about that before until I read about it on Sciforums. Scheherazade mentioned it. Hmm…she’s from Canada, too. Did your date, by any chance, have long blonde hair?

---

What was the worst date that you’ve ever been on?

Football game, in the stands. But my being amused by the reactions of those within the perimeter of collateral damage from his vomit kind of undermines my hyping the event as "horrible".  

Was there a second date, CC?

The story about the poo retriever smelled a little fishy shitty, but the fire department confirmed it.  Talk about embarrassing and on so many levels.  Having to take a crap on your first date…at his house?  No way—couldn’t do it.  Having it not flush?  Total nightmare.  Reaching in for it and picking it up?  Oh, hell no!  I can’t even look at it.  Tossing it out and then realizing that it’s trapped between the two window panes. Having to confess it, and then getting trapped in the window yourself…with a turd, and then the rescue.  Holy shit!  I would have died.  And to top it off, there was a few spiders in there with her.  OMG! No way!

I did know a guy that had a similar experience, though.  He shit his pants, took of his underwear off in her bathroom, and then couldn’t figure out how to dispose of them.  He decided to cut them into smaller pieces with his pocket knife and flush them. Clogged the toilet and flooded the bathroom.

[C C]

Was there a second date, CC?

Not quite. Seems like I might have went with him weeks later on an excursion to visit somebody in the hospital. The other was one of those informal, living in the same neighborhood, friend of my brother, "you two want to go with me to the game", "No I can't but maybe sis can" cobbled together on the spur of the moment pseudo-dates. He was sick and coming down with something rather than throwing-up beer.

I did know a guy that had a similar experience, though.  He shit his pants, took of his underwear off in her bathroom, and then couldn’t figure out how to dispose of them.  He decided to cut them into smaller pieces with his pocket knife and flush them.  Clogged the toilet and flooded the bathroom.

Oh, wow. That rings some memories in regard to some desperate remedies to dilemmas my brother would get himself into.

- - -

[confused2]

Beautiful girl. Perfect evening. Spirit willing. Flesh weak.

[Zinjanthropos]

"You were great, was it good for you too" 

Official dialogue from the Zinman's date's apartment. I know what you're thinking. This internet lothario  boasting of another sexual conquest. Oh no. Fellow student from a philosophy seminar, betcha didn't think that was possible either, nice looking but she was into some kind of Zen thing, not sure what exactly. Anyway her idea of sex was to mentally experience it first, she in one corner and me in another. Get into your favorite relaxation pose, close your eyes and imagine the act. The only thing I try to form an image of is my next golf shot, so I watched her. I must have been pretty good because she was sure enjoying it. I didn't think I could top that by doing the real thing, plus I thought she was crazy, so I made up an excuse and left. I think there must be some unwritten code stating....don't make love with a crazy person. Still I wonder what I missed.

Too funny!  

Tantric sex?  How awkward!  

I had never even heard about that before until I read about it on Sciforums.  Scheherazade mentioned it.  Hmm…she’s from Canada, too.  Did your date, by any chance, have long blonde hair?  

---

Jet black. 
Fishnet stockings/hose with a big run in them. 

I would continue to see her at those seminars but no problems. Back then there was no way I was telling anyone else about my experience. I wanted her to keep doing what she was doing so the next guy was as surprised as I was.

[Secular Sanity]

Back then there was no way I was telling anyone else about my experience. I wanted her to keep doing what she was doing so the next guy was as surprised as I was.

Oh my god! I never would have thought of that. That is hilarious!

[Secular Sanity]

Beautiful girl. Perfect evening. Spirit willing. Flesh weak.

Oops, too much spirit, perhaps?  

What does a guy say in that sort of situation?  

BTW, why do they call distilled liquor a spirit?  Does anyone know?

[Zinjanthropos]

Beautiful girl. Perfect evening. Spirit willing. Flesh weak.

Oops, too much spirit, perhaps?  

What does a guy say in that sort of situation?  

That's not too hard is it?