A Surreal Day

[Zinjanthropos]

Well just when I thought I was ready for cancer treatment, Friday i get a gall bladder attack while here in Vancouver. Painful as hell, my female doctor likened it to childbirth. Anyway I went through a barrage ot tests, CT scan, ultrasound, MRI, blood work. All were good .DOc surmised I passed a stone and damaged the gall bladder in the process. Had no sleep for 30 hrs. Plain has more or less subsided and I'm feeling weak but hanging on. Only comfort i can take is that all the imaging test show that other than my prostate, the rest of my organs are in pretty good shape. Even the gall bladder shows nothing worth causing a repeat. I need this year to end.

[Secular Sanity]

I need this year to end.

I need this week to end!

I’m tellin’ ya, Zinman, when it rains it pours.  I know that you said before that it sounds like I’m a walking disaster, but I’ve given this idiom some serious thought—wondering if it’s just our perception.  I’ve come to the conclusion that love is a risking business.  The more people you care about, the more problems who’ll have.  It’s like that quote from the game of thrones.

"The more people you love, the weaker you are. You’ll do things for them that you know you shouldn’t do. You’ll act the fool to make them happy, to keep them safe. Love no one but your children. On that front, a mother has no choice."

This week, a close relative gets an infection leading to surgery.  Another one falls and cuts his arm open.  One friend’s brother dies, another friend’s mother passes away, and yet another friend loses her father. To top it off, a close relative of mine has a heart attack and dies.  She’s the same age as me—too young to die.

My son is coming home for a visit.  That's good news.  I haven’t seen him in over a year.  I’m trying to prepare—cook, clean, and whatnot.  He’s a UFC fighter, though.  I think most Marines are thrill seekers.  He sends me a video of his sprained ankle, busted up nose, and (gross) a tonsil stone that he coughed up.  He wants me to diagnose him because they only have an LVN available to them in that country.  

I’m the problem solver, but geez! The only way that I can juggle all of them is to cut through the emotional fog and deal with the facts.  I think that I’ve put out all the fires and I’m hoping like hell that fire season is over now.  I just have to attend a few funerals, supply some emotional support, and then hopefully, I’ll have some time to enjoy my son’s visit.

Well, my coffee break is over.  Back to work.  

C'est la vie, Zinman.

[Secular Sanity]

Ugh…that didn’t really come out right.  

I was thinking about you while I was in the shower.  Well, not in that way, of course. 

I wasn’t trying to minimize your ordeal.  You’re definitely entitled to any feelings that you may be having.  "Ce la vie" was rather dismissive.  Sort of like "life goes on."  

It reminded me of something else, though.  Similar to what we see in some films.  There’s a scene in "12 years a Slave" where Solomon is hanging and being tortured, and his fellow slaves are calmly carrying on in the background.  There’s two subjects there.  Solomon and the normal day in the field. 

I wonder if there is a term for that uneasy tension between apathy and suffering.  We’ve all felt it.

Sorry, Zinman.

[Zinjanthropos]

I hear ya SS. We all go through these stretches. Take comfort that those of us going thru the tough stretch are not alone. It's a shared responsibility, keeping all that bad karma to ourselves.

You're right. If it wasn't for love I wouldn't be here. My daughter means a lot to me but I'd still rather be in medical need at home, not while visiting. I've dealt with the shitty end of the stick before and managed.

Rooting for ya. Hope things turn around soon.

[C C]

Well just when I thought I was ready for cancer treatment, Friday i get a gall bladder attack while here in Vancouver. Painful as hell, my female doctor likened it to childbirth. Anyway I went through a barrage ot tests, CT scan, ultrasound, MRI, blood work. All were good .DOc surmised I passed a stone and damaged the gall bladder in the process. Had no sleep for 30 hrs. Plain has more or less subsided and I'm feeling weak but hanging on. Only comfort i can take is that all the imaging test show that other than my prostate, the rest of my organs are in pretty good shape. Even the gall bladder shows nothing worth causing a repeat. I need this year to end.

Hopefully it will end. I guess it's usually the cardiovascular problems that can lead to repeated tests involving imaging procedures that incrementally damage the kidneys with contrast dye, etc. But problems with other organs might occasionally garner that excessive attention. Always something nice to hear: "Gosh darn it, looks like we need to re-check what's going on in there yet again. Di-doobie-doh-di-doobity-doo, whistling a tune while we relentlessly scan you."

[Zinjanthropos]

Well CC, I'm back at the cottage today. Still feeling very queasy and hesitant to eat. However after 5 days of eating nothing but a few bowls of soup I decided tonight to go for it and down a couple  of bbq hamburgers. So far so good one hour later.

[C C]

Well CC, I'm back at the cottage today. Still feeling very queasy and hesitant to eat. However after 5 days of eating nothing but a few bowls of soup I decided tonight to go for it and down a couple  of bbq hamburgers. So far so good one hour later.

Poor Zin. Bet those hamburgers felt equivalent to finally winning a food reward challenge on "Survivor". In the early seasons, that used to be a "wait and see" on the way back to camp, too.

- - -

[Zinjanthropos]

Well CC, I'm back at the cottage today. Still feeling very queasy and hesitant to eat. However after 5 days of eating nothing but a few bowls of soup I decided tonight to go for it and down a couple  of bbq hamburgers. So far so good one hour later.

Poor Zin. Bet those hamburgers felt equivalent to finally winning a food reward challenge on "Survivor". In the early seasons, that used to be a "wait and see" on the way back to camp, too.

CC..... They were better than sex.  Right now if I had to chose between the Swedish Bikini Team and a medium rare sirloin smothered in mushrooms and onions, the steak would win.

[C C]

Just back from the Doctor. I didn't get the scans I thought I'd get. Besides another DRE today was all about what to expect from the two treatments available to me. One of 20 radiation sessions and the other if randomly selected will only be 5. The latter involves a small procedure in which 3 minute pieces of gold (seeds) are inserted into the cancer for best chance of hitting the cancer where it hurts. This will come with a MRI. The other treatment also includes a bone scan. I have two weeks to officially confirm if I want to try for the 5 sessions. Treatment in either case is not looking to start until around September, unless there are cancellations.

Looks like the time is drawing near, if they haven't started already.

- - -

[Zinjanthropos]

Just back from the Doctor. I didn't get the scans I thought I'd get. Besides another DRE today was all about what to expect from the two treatments available to me. One of 20 radiation sessions and the other if randomly selected will only be 5. The latter involves a small procedure in which 3 minute pieces of gold (seeds) are inserted into the cancer for best chance of hitting the cancer where it hurts. This will come with a MRI. The other treatment also includes a bone scan. I have two weeks to officially confirm if I want to try for the 5 sessions. Treatment in either case is not looking to start until around September, unless there are cancellations.

Looks like the time is drawing near, if they haven't started already.

- - -

It is but not yet. Couple more weeks until start. Thanks for asking CC.