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I was a victim of forced marriage (UK woman)

#1
C C Offline
Follow-up to: Children still forced into overseas marriages despite 2014 law

https://www.bbc.co.uk/bbcthree/article/7...8c0f0aca39

EXCERPT: . . . In the UK, forced marriage is illegal and has been since 2014. This includes if people are taking someone abroad or bringing them into this country for this reason. Yet, in England, it's believed that only one in 30 suspected forced marriages leads to a prosecution, and it's clear many cases are still flying under the radar.

Growing up in an Indian Hindu family, I had a lot less freedom than my two brothers. They were allowed to date girls, and go to university, but I was taught how to cook and clean. I started my A-Levels but dropped out halfway through because my parents told me to not to bother - I wouldn't be going to university. Instead, I was told that I needed to learn to be a good wife.

I was born in England, after my parents moved to the UK from India in the late 1960s. They had an arranged marriage after only knowing each other for a week and have always lived separate lives - I've never seen them hug, kiss, or even hold hands.

My childhood was very difficult. I was sexually abused by a family friend, bullied at school for being the only Asian kid in my class, then groomed and beaten by an older Pakistani Muslim man. I was seen as ‘damaged goods’ because of this and, aged 19, was sent to India where I had an exorcism which was supposed to “cleanse” me. Then the process to find me a husband began. I kept saying I wasn't ready and rejecting any matches, so after two months I was brought back to the UK.

One night, a few days after I returned, I ran away to a homeless shelter. I took an overdose and slit my wrists, but was devastated to wake up alive in a hospital bed.

Just two weeks after I was discharged my parents began the process of finding me a husband, putting my name up in our local temple and setting me up on Hindu dating websites.

We saw about ten men before we found my husband a couple of months later - the first few men weren't the right fit, they were deemed either too old, too forward, or from the wrong caste.

I met them all at my parents’ house. I would be kept in another room while both sets of parents talked to the man, then I would be called in for a few minutes when the other family was ready to see me.

One day, the family of a man in his mid-20s contacted us through a temple visitor. I met him just for a few minutes. After that our families agreed we'd be married. I thought he seemed very quiet, and wrongly took that to mean he would be caring and kind....

MORE: https://www.bbc.co.uk/bbcthree/article/7...8c0f0aca39

RELATED: https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-leeds-44812530
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#2
Syne Offline
Yeah, what a great society the UK has. [/sarcasm]
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#3
Zinjanthropos Offline
(Jul 18, 2018 04:53 AM)Syne Wrote: Yeah, what a great society the UK has. [/sarcasm]

Yep, a real improvement,  no genital mutilation. (More sarcasm)
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#5
C C Offline
(Jul 18, 2018 11:27 PM)confused2 Wrote: Girls (UK) told to put spoons in their knickers to attract attention if being taken out of the country.
https://news.sky.com/story/school-tells-...s-11435647
I might think of a comment later - currently - nothing.


Yeah, inevitable problem with that strategy is that the parents themselves or their escort henchmen will soon be aware of the safety propaganda, and be checking beforehand to see if the kids are carrying hidden cutlery. Or news of the turn of events at the airports will pass down through their intra-cultural word of mouth grapevine.

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#6
Zinjanthropos Offline
Religion aside, do the mothers agree with forced marriage or is it mainly the idiot father who rules the roost in these cultures? Do mothers agree out of fear of dad? Maybe the mothers can stick the spoon where only a metal detector can find it, next time dad gets the idea. Or are mothers that insensitive/vindictive, to have their daughter suffer the same fate as they did?
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#7
C C Offline
(Jul 19, 2018 04:38 PM)Zinjanthropos Wrote: Religion aside, do the mothers agree with forced marriage or is it mainly the idiot father who rules the roost in these cultures? Do mothers agree out of fear of dad? Maybe the mothers can stick the spoon where only a metal detector can find it, next time dad gets the idea. Or are mothers that insensitive/vindictive, to have their daughter suffer the same fate as they did?


In the OP account, both parents sounded like cultural zombies. But doubtless it varies from couple to couple in the contingent world. The mothers / wives attitude, however, might be expected to more often range from partly to wholly resulting from patriarchal intimidation... If data collectors could ever actually be reliable and statisticians could draw a generalization from such for display in their abstract world.

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