Apr 9, 2018 05:23 PM
Something I never dreamed, planned or prepared for just happened. Someone I've known for over 40 years suddenly admitting to paedophilia. To make matters worse, this is one of my wife's many brothers. Always suspected he was a little odd and to be perfectly honest, it didn't surprise me. There were always occasional signs that something wasn't right sexually with the guy but I never questioned or pursued it with him. Confident he doesn't read this forum so here's the skinny.....
We got the message via an email that was sent by him to several family members including his own children. Don't know the entire circumstance but it appears that he's been cornered for a decades old dalliance and had to confirm this one encounter. In a matter of 48 hours his personal life & marriage now appears to be on the rocks. My wife & I are trying to figure out what to do next. I mean the email is a piece of self incriminating evidence that I believe could be used against him if charges are laid. Obviously the victim has the goods on this guy. So far we have not heard of any charges and he hasn't been arrested.
Leaves the both of us wondering if we should be the ones to notify the authorities. In my mind there's probably more victims than the one person involved in his admission of guilt email. I believe that the victim in this case is deliberately withholding legal action, for reasons I don't know. So right now we think that by us not reporting, we are respecting the victim's rights. Maybe this person will remain silent but I keep saying that there is probably a lot more evidence to be brought forward, especially on a home computer. Not really sure if it's my place to talk with law enforcement. Don't like being put in this situation.
Speaking of young victims of sexual abuse, it appears to me that my wife is also a victim in a strange roundabout way. Tried to find some literature on it and even phoned a support line. However there appears to be little assistance for direct relatives of a paedophile in the way of counselling etc. I respect the actual victim is of prime importance yet I still think there must be something for my wife to help her deal with it. I've contacted my own health planner to see if she's covered for counselling and still waiting for their answer.
Right now I feel bad asking what we can do because it sounds very much on the selfish side. We aren't discounting the victim and realize their pain is much more severe. Not about my wife directly but indirectly she's affected. Yesterday I had to ask all my kids whether or not their uncle had inappropriately touched them when they were young. All of of them said no or they couldn't remember. There were times in the past when we left our young children in his family's care but the most was for 2 days.
It's f**king scary. My wife and her other siblings want nothing to do with the brother right now and I can understand it. This guy has suddenly become the loneliest man on Earth and what he will do next is anybody's guess, and that includes suicidal thoughts. He has kids too, what about them? We've talked to a couple of them and it appears all ok on that front, abuse wise. My gut feeling is that charges are on the way and he's going to eventually end up in prison. Both of us believe he deserves it and that there's more disturbing information on the way.
I can handle it mentally but hopefully I can get some counselling for my wife. Even one session should allow her to compose herself. The chips are going to fall one way or another and there's little her brother can do about it. Now someone told me that the Me Too movement isn't necessarily about laying charges but I can't believe that. What exactly is the Me Too philosophy if anyone knows? We will be forced to take a stand very soon. Right now it looks like we'll have nothing more to do with him, my wife seems adamant about that. Looking for sage advice. Thanks for your time.
We got the message via an email that was sent by him to several family members including his own children. Don't know the entire circumstance but it appears that he's been cornered for a decades old dalliance and had to confirm this one encounter. In a matter of 48 hours his personal life & marriage now appears to be on the rocks. My wife & I are trying to figure out what to do next. I mean the email is a piece of self incriminating evidence that I believe could be used against him if charges are laid. Obviously the victim has the goods on this guy. So far we have not heard of any charges and he hasn't been arrested.
Leaves the both of us wondering if we should be the ones to notify the authorities. In my mind there's probably more victims than the one person involved in his admission of guilt email. I believe that the victim in this case is deliberately withholding legal action, for reasons I don't know. So right now we think that by us not reporting, we are respecting the victim's rights. Maybe this person will remain silent but I keep saying that there is probably a lot more evidence to be brought forward, especially on a home computer. Not really sure if it's my place to talk with law enforcement. Don't like being put in this situation.
Speaking of young victims of sexual abuse, it appears to me that my wife is also a victim in a strange roundabout way. Tried to find some literature on it and even phoned a support line. However there appears to be little assistance for direct relatives of a paedophile in the way of counselling etc. I respect the actual victim is of prime importance yet I still think there must be something for my wife to help her deal with it. I've contacted my own health planner to see if she's covered for counselling and still waiting for their answer.
Right now I feel bad asking what we can do because it sounds very much on the selfish side. We aren't discounting the victim and realize their pain is much more severe. Not about my wife directly but indirectly she's affected. Yesterday I had to ask all my kids whether or not their uncle had inappropriately touched them when they were young. All of of them said no or they couldn't remember. There were times in the past when we left our young children in his family's care but the most was for 2 days.
It's f**king scary. My wife and her other siblings want nothing to do with the brother right now and I can understand it. This guy has suddenly become the loneliest man on Earth and what he will do next is anybody's guess, and that includes suicidal thoughts. He has kids too, what about them? We've talked to a couple of them and it appears all ok on that front, abuse wise. My gut feeling is that charges are on the way and he's going to eventually end up in prison. Both of us believe he deserves it and that there's more disturbing information on the way.
I can handle it mentally but hopefully I can get some counselling for my wife. Even one session should allow her to compose herself. The chips are going to fall one way or another and there's little her brother can do about it. Now someone told me that the Me Too movement isn't necessarily about laying charges but I can't believe that. What exactly is the Me Too philosophy if anyone knows? We will be forced to take a stand very soon. Right now it looks like we'll have nothing more to do with him, my wife seems adamant about that. Looking for sage advice. Thanks for your time.
