The evolution of the human ass

[Magical Realist]

If you're like most sexually mature humans, you probably agree with Shakespeare that "there is a divinity that shapes our ends." Or at least natural selection does. Compared to other primates the human buttocks stands out as an exaggeration, a caricature, or even the butt of some obscene joke. Whither the emergence of the curved and shapely gluteus maximus? Here's what scientists have concluded while heatedly pondering such questions...

The Upside to Backsides

November 25, 2004

"Finally, researchers have uncovered news from the past that many of us find we've been eagerly awaiting. There is an evolutionary reason for our extraordinarily large rear ends. For millenniums, the only explanation seemed to be that early humans did a lot of ice skating and weren't very good at it.

But now we know, according to an article in Nature, that big butts made humans good runners. Instead of evolving as backside cushions because early man laid around the cave watching pictographs, substantive bottoms became a bodily counterbalance to the forward leaning required by long-distance running. Without a big bulge back there, we'd all fall forward. That's welcome news as the Thanksgiving table awaits.

The researchers analyzed what was left of ancient human bodies and concluded that the ability to run long distances was a driving force shaping the modern human anatomy. Running developed some about 2 million years ago, and enabled early humans to chase, hunt and reach sooner the supplies and types of foods and proteins that helped the further evolution of human characteristics, such as large brains. Running far and well also allowed escape from large, looming things well before muggers.

Long legs and Achilles tendons, not necessary for walking and absent in most species, combined with large joints, arched feet, amply muscled buttocks, sweat glands and heads controlled by tendons and shaped for cooling. Humans have marathon bodies. Other creatures are more 10K types.

Casual footwear used only for walking is still called running shoes. Many humans without errands will seek to run on indoor machines; treadmills never caught on with less-developed creatures (except maybe hamsters), who still think running should involve a destination. Like, on this feast day, all the way to the couch."---http://www.democraticunderground.com/dis...ss=228x448

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