Surrogacy

[Zinjanthropos]

My daughter is the surrogate for her and her husbands best friends. After several miscarriages her friend asked if she would be willing. Although my daughter’s children are only 1 & 3 years old she agreed along with my S-I-L. It’s a gestational surrogacy and she’s made it abundantly clear that once born, she will have no problem handing the baby over to the biological parents. 

Due in January, there’s been a couple of scares along the way, severe bleeding the primary condition but ultrasound revealed the fetus was doing well. She takes hormone pills regularly and I believe anti-rejection drug. The way she puts it is that it’s necessary to fool her body that she’s not pregnant. Hope I got that right. She’s had a miscarriage herself but the grandkids are healthy. There are no financial agreements, the real parents saw their baby via ultrasound just the other day, and she did her best to explain to my 3 year old granddaughter why the baby won’t be her brother(it’s a boy). Caesarian birth to occur in mid Jan but doctors think it may now be closer to beginning of new year. My daughter is in her upper 30’s so according to her, this is it. She did it as a favour with no guarantees considering her own pregnancy troubles and the parents gambled. So far so good.

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Surrogacy

[stryder]

My daughter is the surrogate for her and her husbands best friends. After several miscarriages her friend asked if she would be willing. Although my daughter’s children are only 1 & 3 years old she agreed along with my S-I-L. It’s a gestational surrogacy and she’s made it abundantly clear that once born, she will have no problem handing the baby over to the biological parents. 

Due in January, there’s been a couple of scares along the way, severe bleeding the primary condition but ultrasound revealed the fetus was doing well. She takes hormone pills regularly and I believe anti-rejection drug. The way she puts it is that it’s necessary to fool her body that she’s not pregnant. Hope I got that right. She’s had a miscarriage herself but the grandkids are healthy. There are no financial agreements, the real parents saw their baby via ultrasound just the other day, and she did her best to explain to my 3 year old granddaughter why the baby won’t be her brother(it’s a boy). Caesarian birth to occur in mid Jan but doctors think it may now be closer to beginning of new year. My daughter is in her upper 30’s so according to her, this is it. She did it as a favour with no guarantees considering her own pregnancy troubles and the parents gambled. So far so good.

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Surrogacy

I hope it all goes well.

Personally I wouldn't suggest that just treating the child as someone disconnected from the family. In the long run people do geneology online and they find out about their families, both the best points and their worst. It would be a shame for a child to feel there was a gap in their lives where someone should of been even if only a fleeting instance like meeting up with a cousin on a birthday etc. That being said the only concerns that people have in those situations is losing what they are attempting to have by having too much commitment, namely the fear that someone being in a life might cause them to be lost. If you daughter can balance that concern then personally I wouldn't see a concern in the children knowing they are family even if the term family is altered in form due to the circumstances, in fact I would assume it would be a healthy thing to do (and save some later revelations that could cause problems years down the road).

Consider my thoughts with the best of intensions or a pinch of salt.

I only say this as I've been knee deep in Geneology tracing family trees and realise that in some respects the things that family members did from the perspective of a descendant can be lost over time. We laugh when there is something to laugh about and shed tears when we find those things in the past that we can't understand or undo.

Other than that best wishes for both your daughter and the family she's supporting.

[Zinjanthropos]

Stryde …they are very close friends and the child will see my daughter quite often during visits. The fact that there is no genealogical connection should help. My daughter understands baby not hers, in fact she calls herself the incubator. My daughter got a call from my 3 yr old grand daughter’s day care after she told staff about mommy’s pregnancy and the fact the baby is not related. All good, my kid is very matter of fact about things.

[Syne]

The child has no genetic link to the surrogate. It's still the donors' egg and sperm.

[confused2]

I'm guessing your daughter will always have a strong bond with the child and most likely vice versa - as this is Z's daughter I wouldn't be too worried on that score. The terrible teens are going to be fun.
Whatever might happen - I'd put Z's daughter first by a mile.

[C C]

Best wishes, Zin, for a happy outcome on or after New Year's Day.

Glad the turkey baster era and the proxy mother not being left wholly out of the hereditary contribution picture are over. At least outside those seedy, meth-cooking parts of towns, anyway, and guest appearances on old daytime talk shows. (That first Don't Breath movie comes to mind for some odd reason.)

[Zinjanthropos]

The biggest risk was taken by the real parents. They knew my daughters history. She was diagnosed with having a tilted uterus after her miscarriage, not sure of medical term, and even her own pregnancies were closely monitored and somewhat fortunate to make it to term.. Everybody involved here knew the risk, including doctors. Without being too graphic I think when she was impregnated they put that developing egg as far in there as possible. My daughter has worked her job thru all this and because it’s not hers is not entitled to maternity leave and will book time off to give birth and recover. I don’t know how that works for the biological parents but I assume one of them will get the paid leave. She’s not out of the woods yet but with each day there’s more optimism.

My biggest worry should the birth be successful is whether the biological parents accept their baby if there’s an obvious physical abnormality although the many ultrasounds have not indicated any. Then as time progresses post birth, something unfavourable develops with child, how will real parents react. There are some legalities involved so I guess the lawyers would have to come into play. I’ve met real parents once, they seem genuinely nice so not anticipating a problem.

[Zinjanthropos]

Update….In case anyone interested how it turned out. Born today, 10 fingers & 10 toes. Daughter doing fine. Boy. Good health.  Parents ecstatic, daughter glad it’s done. Some good news considering all that’s covid. Parents and SIL were allowed in hospital and the whole gang is in my daughters recovery room as I type.

[C C]

Good news. Thanks for the update, Zin. Congrats to all involved.

[confused2]

I'm delighted to hear all is well.
Who'd have a daughter?
You want to do WHAT???????????????
Enough to drive a man to drink. Or more drink, depending on where you start from.