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+--- Thread: Research The flirting paradox (/thread-16689.html)
The flirting paradox - C C - Oct 18, 2024
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/intimately-connected/202410/the-flirting-paradox
EXCERPTS: What did we find? People reacted to unsolicited attention given to their partner by feeling less desire for their partner, showing reduced interest in investing in the relationship, and becoming more interested in thwarting potential rivals.
So why does this happen? The meaning you attach to others’ attention changes once you’re committed to someone. When you’re single, external interest in a potential partner can serve as a valuable cue to their desirability. But in a committed relationship, that same attention may be perceived as a threat.
The fear of losing a partner can trigger a cascade of defensive reactions. To shield ourselves from potential pain, we might create emotional distance and withdraw investment in the relationship, hoping to soften the blow if our fears materialize. At the same time, the anger ignited by others’ interest in our partner can manifest as confrontation towards these perceived rivals. These reactions, however, may be rooted more in retaliation than in genuine efforts to maintain the relationship.
What is the takeaway? While some people might try to induce jealousy in their partner by seeking attention from others to feel more desired or secure, our research shows that this tactic often backfires. Instead of strengthening the relationship, it can damage the very connection it aims to enhance... (MORE - missing details)
RE: The flirting paradox - Syne - Oct 19, 2024
Even though this article doesn't explicitly say it, it's talking exclusively about women, as "mate choice copying" is exclusive to women's evolutionary psychology. Showing that men rely on "social information to select mates" is not the same thing.
Men and women often fail to realize the differences in their evolutionary mating strategies. Women use mate choice copying as a shortcut to vetting potential mates. The more a man is desired by other women, the more desirable/valuable he must be as a partner. It's good for a woman to continue to see her choice validated by other women, even throughout the relationship. That means, in crude terms, that it's good for a man to make a woman jealous.
The inverse is not true. Where women gauge the quantity, and to a lesser extent quality, of attention a man gets from other women, men primarily gauge the quality of attention, with the higher quantity being a negative. This is why Instagram models, Only Fans girls, etc. can find a hard time getting committed long-term relationships with more desirable men. And behaving in ways to induce more male attention while in a relationship is a huge red flag for men.