Jul 11, 2018 03:43 PM
When the Self Slips
Individuals living with depersonalisation disorder bring vivid insight to the question of whether the self is an illusion.
Depersonalization Disorder (wikipedia.org)
The same thing happened to me. I had tried marijuana once before when I was 17 and didn't like the effect. I was going to wait until I was 70 to try it again, but since it's legal now, and I'm a long way from turning 70, I decided to try it.
Her description is identical to my experience. My perception of time was really altered. Just like she said, there was a delay between external events and my brain processing it, as well. Everyday chores were difficult because I had to think about things that were usually automatic. Everything seemed out of sequence. Another odd thing that I noticed was that my metaperception was drastically reduced. At the time, I thought, "Damn! That's weird." There's a lot of time wasted in forethought and inside other people's heads. I didn't lose my sense of self, though, but I didn't feel like I was in control.
If our sense of self is an illusion then we are just an experience machine. Weird!
Just say no to drugs.
Individuals living with depersonalisation disorder bring vivid insight to the question of whether the self is an illusion.
Quote:Jane suffers from depersonalisation disorder (DPD) – a condition that typically manifests as a profound and distressing feeling of estrangement from one’s own self and body, including one’s experiences, memories and thoughts. Often, depersonalisation is accompanied by derealisation, an alienation from one’s surroundings and environment. Sufferers reportfeeling like zombies, robots or machines, just going through the motions of their own lives. This disorder has been recognised in some form since the late 19th century, and according to studies in the US and UK is estimated to affect between 1 to 2 per cent of the population. But it remains poorly understood.
Just as a transparent window might become visible only when it cracks, I became interested in what DPD might reveal about certain understudied aspects of our experience of selfhood – and, ultimately, consciousness itself. In recent years, it’s become fashionable for philosophers to question the idea that the ‘self’ is real, or to suggest that it’s little more than an ‘illusion’ that our brain creates in order to keep us alive in a constantly changing world. Yet if the self is a mere sham or a trick, why does the loss of ‘self-illusion’ trigger such dramatic feelings of unreality? Why does losing a link to your self make you feel as if you are dead or sleepwalking? If depersonalisation is a misfiring of some psychological coping mechanism, why is living with the condition so unbearable?
I’d smoked cannabis once before, on a hot summer day after I finished my A-levels. I didn’t like the effect: it made the world feel muffled, and me a bit divorced from it, but it passed quickly. This time, after eating the second yogurt, something terrifying happened. My perception drew back into my head, almost as though I was now looking at the world from the back of my own eye sockets. I perceived a delay between an external event, and my brain understanding or processing it. Suddenly there was a fracture between the world and me. While my body was still in the world, my mind had become a disengaged observer.
***Her account of living with DPD suggests that even if the self turns out to be an illusion as a matter of science, its presence to us is what hooks us into the world. If the self is such a vital component of what it even means to experience reality, philosophers should be cautious not to slight its significance.
I still have the memory of what it’s like when the depersonalisation lifts. Those are periods of such indescribable joy. They’re memories I try to hang on to when things get tough – memories of just sitting at my tiny kitchen table in my flat, without feeling the need to achieve or function or engage. Just being. Just living.
The same thing happened to me. I had tried marijuana once before when I was 17 and didn't like the effect. I was going to wait until I was 70 to try it again, but since it's legal now, and I'm a long way from turning 70, I decided to try it.
Her description is identical to my experience. My perception of time was really altered. Just like she said, there was a delay between external events and my brain processing it, as well. Everyday chores were difficult because I had to think about things that were usually automatic. Everything seemed out of sequence. Another odd thing that I noticed was that my metaperception was drastically reduced. At the time, I thought, "Damn! That's weird." There's a lot of time wasted in forethought and inside other people's heads. I didn't lose my sense of self, though, but I didn't feel like I was in control.
If our sense of self is an illusion then we are just an experience machine. Weird!
Just say no to drugs.